Adding Value to Your Hubby

If you were to ask every “ministry wife” if she wanted to add value to her husband, most would surely say yes.  I don’t think that any saved individual would set out to negatively impact their husband’s ministry.  I have just a few thoughts on how we all can be a better wife for the ministry. 

Be a Helpmate

Believe it or not, the first thing that God called you to in the Bible was not motherhood.  I’ve heard people say that being a mother is their highest calling.  That sounds good, and even as much as I love being a mother, I have to admit, it doesn’t come first according to the Word of God.

The first thing God said when He created the first woman is that she was made for a helpmate for her husband.  He didn’t say and behold I have created a mother.  “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen 2:18.  Motherhood came along after the call of being a helpmate.

Many women are so busy with other things, including their children, that they forget that their first calling (after their personal relationship with God) is being a wife.  A wife is called by God to be a helpmate to their husband.  There is just no way around it.  God has already proclaimed this in His word. 

When most churches are looking for a pastor, they will ask “how involved is your wife?”  What they are really asking is “Is she with you?”  They want to know is she a helpmate to the pastor.  They want to know that she is a helper at home as well as by his side at church.  When a wife is missing and not by her husbands side, it does somewhat subtract value from a pastor.  For one, it sends out a bad signal to people in the church and the community.  Someone may have wrong intentions toward your husband and if they never see you there, they may try to fill your place.  It is essential for a lot of reasons to be alongside your husband.

Many women say, “I am a helper.  I take care of his home and his children.”   That’s very important, but remember that his world consists of more than that.  You cannot fully be a helper of a man without understanding all of his world and offering help wherever he may need you. 

Some will say “ I’m just a behind the scenes person.  I’m not called to be up front.”  It’s not about being the microphone.  There’s nothing wrong with working behind the scenes, however, if you are too busy working behind the scenes that you can never be at your husbands side, accompanying him, it is a problem.  The question is not whether you speak publicly, but if you stand – actually physically standing – with him?  What is important is not what roles you fill in the church, but can you be seen walking and standing with him in his ministry?

Set Him Free To Work

The Bible makes it clear in 2 Thes 3:10 that if we don’t work, we don’t eat.  The Bible expounds in many places the value of hard work.  ^“Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us. For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you; Neither did we eat any man's bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you:” 2Thes 3:6-8.  I think that sometimes pastors wives think that the ministry should be a profession where their husbands time is all their own. 

Effective ministry is very hard work that takes a lot of hours.   Many wives resent those hours , and  not secretly.  Part of the problem is that they view it as “his work” not “our work.”  The work has to be “our work” to be successful.  When God called your husband, he knew who his wife was.  He entrusted you also with this work.  The wife must realize how important the work is and take some ownership in the work also. 

Men whose wives do not take ownership are at a disadvantage.  They are always walking a tightrope between work and home.  I don’t think that things should always be in the same order on priorities list.  Some days it is more important to be with family, while other days it is going to be more important to be with a church member.  Much of the success in life comes from knowing what God is calling for on that particular day and time.  I have learned that we cant always have a balance, but we do learn to juggle.

Encourage His Dreams

Your husband has dreams.  Many are God given dreams.  Some he may be afraid to share with you because he may fear your reaction.  His dream may mean a sacrifice, a change, or even a move for you.  But every man craves a woman who will dream with him and encourage his dreams.  The absence of this in a marriage is why a lot of affairs take place.  A man finds someone who listens to the dreams of his heart and actually believes he can accomplish them. 

Do you encourage your husband to succeed?  Do you energize him, or do you make him tires?  I’ve always wanted my husband to be excited to arrive home.  I don’t want him to fear walking thru the door, but I want him to feel so excited to get home and share his heart with me.  When something is going on in his world, I want to be the first person he calls.  I know that I’ve not always made him feel like that but I have learned that any other home environment is not one that I want to live in or one that I want him to “have to” live in. 

Be Generous With Compliments

Your husband needs your encouragement.  It means more to him than words from anyone else.  Others can compliment him, but if your words are missing, it’s a huge problem.  I know many wives who say, “I don’t know of much that I can compliment him on.  He has so many issues….”  Everybody has something of worth to be complimented on.  Even when Bub preaches a message that is not one of his best, I find something to compliment him on.  If nothing else, a “wow, you looked like a million bucks up there.”  Or “ you are the most handsome preacher in Cleveland County.”  Trust me, if he “flopped” in the pulpit, he already knows it.  He does not need you to remind him.

What are you doing to encourage?  “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”  1 Thes 5:11. 

Your husband may be going thru a trying time in his ministry.  Maybe he is just starting out, and like many young preachers, he may have a hard time boldly stepping out in what God has called him to do.  The Bible gives you a mandate.  “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.” 1 Thes 5:14  This is a proclamation from God as how we are to treat everyone, but don’t you think your husband should come first?

Take Care of Him

God has called those of us who are wives to be a helper in all things.  For me, this extends from helping him with everything from his wardrobe, his medical checkups, and privately. 

Okay okay, I hear some of you saying, “What about me?  This is all about him!”  Well that’s what this blog is about, how you can add value to him, not how he can add value to you.  I have learned that if you treat your man like a king, he will treat you like a queen.  We have a mandate from God to care for the man who has been entrusted to us. 

Proverbs 18:22 says “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”  So I ask you, has your husband found a good thing?  Keep in mind that the scriptural definition of wife is “helper.”  Has your husband found a helper?

Proverbs 31:10 says “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” 

More than ever, a good woman -  a true helpmate – is hard to find.  If you are adding value to your husband you my friend are a hot commodity.  If your husband has found you, he has found something more precious that jewels. 

Proverbs 31:11 goes on to say “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”  Does your husband secretly think “ I could accomplish much more if it wasn’t for my wife.”  If you have a doubt, its not too late to turn things around.  You can start adding value to your husband today by being generous as the scripture says. 

In doing all of these things for your husband you are setting him free to soar.  There are endless possibilities of things that God can do with him if you will let Him. 

I said that I wasn’t going to get into this, but I do just want to remind you all of one thing.  The Bible says in Proverbs that what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you.  I have found this to be more than true.  As I add value to my husband and make things happen for him, God makes things happen for me that are far beyond my wildest dreams.